Miami

Interrupt my reading time
I get to read like twice a year. It’s a BIG deal. I get super absorbed in my books and I laugh and cry and feel for the characters and yes, it’s weird, but no, you may not ask me an inane question right now. You may not.

Be high maintenance
In DC, I’m a pretty laid back kind of gal. It’s a big day if I put on pants. So, you can imagine how utterly relaxed I am on vacation. If you take an hour (or more!) to get ready to go out to dinner, I will leave you in the room. Seriously. I will grab my bag and my keys and go to dinner by myself. I’ll order some sangria and drink heavily until you find me, and when you do you’ll wish you hadn’t.

Try to have sex with me on the beach
I’ve only heard bad things about this one so don’t even try to cop a feel. I know I look smokin’ hot in my bikini so it’s only natural you would want to take it off. But please. Let’s just save that for a non-sandy, salty, sunny location.

Be loud
I have a pet peeve about raised voices. I just find it really annoying when people talk so loudly that everyone is forced to listen to the conversation. So, if we’re spending vacay together, please don’t be so inconsiderate of others. I’ll be embarrassed if you’re shouting at me while sitting two feet away from me. It’s like: shhhhh. I wish everyone would just keep their voices down….

Smell bad
It’s gross when people stink but I understand that humans are animals and sometimes we make yucky smells. When you’re at the beach and it’s hot and you’re sweating buckets, that is certainly not conducive to smelling like clean, fresh laundry, but please take a minimum of one shower per day. And no, jumping into the ocean does not count as bathing.

Maybe I’m being a little demanding here but I just feel like it’s not that hard to not be annoying. I’m pretty picky when it comes to my friends, and I’m willing to overlook an annoying habit or two (lord knows I’ve got plenty of my own) but please please puhLEASE – if you want to be invited back to play with me, avoid these deal breakers at all costs.

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