high-five

I haven’t ranted about random human interactions on this blog in a while, but there’s something that I simply can’t abide by a moment longer.

What’s the deal with high fives?

I’m 27. I have a job, an apartment, and an early bedtime. I am not a surfing, camping, pot-smoking hippie. I’m also not a professional athlete or a kindergarten teacher. So, why the hell do people insist on high-fiving me?

Do I look like the type of person who appreciates a high five? Am I somehow sending out signals that I want your germy, slightly sweaty hand slapped against mine awkwardly in a public place?

Does it seem like without friendly encouragement of the palm I will break down and accomplish nothing during my day?

I can assure you that I don’t need my barista, my kickboxing instructor, or my facialist slapping my hand with theirs, really, ever.

(Wow — that was possibly the most first world complaint that has ever been written, but I stand by it.)

I’ve got to know — are there people out there who enjoy high-fiving? Do you get a thrill from palm meeting palm? Do you like the slow trail of a stranger’s clammy fingers tickling the soft pads of your hand? Do you find it motivating? Inspiring? Is your day dramatically improved because of that high five??

If you can believe it, my general hatred of hand touching has actually decreased over the years, but just because my OCD tendencies have diminished, doesn’t mean I think adults giving each other high fives is acceptable.

I’m not expecting to bring an end to this horrifying human behavior overnight, but I feel strongly that I need to raise awareness. Consider this my battle cry to END THE HIGH FIVE. 

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2 thoughts on “A Long-standing Pet Peeve

  1. We have this rule at work called “no high fives” but it is fully unrelated to germs. It’s because senior management feels we shouldn’t be celebrating when we are simply performing “less bad” than we were last year. We save the high fives for when volume and share are good and POSITIVE…not “less negative.” Hahaha just thought it was funny. #NoHighFives

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