sushi

This venting session has been a loooong time in coming. I’m always struck by my hatred for sushi at moments when it’s completely unacceptable to whip out one’s phone for an on-the-go blog post/tirade… So, this has been bottled up inside me for months. Years, even!

Let me begin.

Why is everyone obsessed with sushi? Once upon a time, sushi was this magical-sounding cuisine that I’d hear people brag about when they traveled the world or went to upscale Japanese restaurants. Now sushi is everywhere.

Every supermarket, corner store, and gas station has some rolled up seaweed concoction in a semi-refrigerated display case with glistening orange slime balls on top. Okay, I know those things are a delicacy, and it’s technically called fish roe or whatever, but seriously, ew.

I would just like to put it out there that I’m a fairly adventurous eater. When things get hot, I tend to cave early, but apart from spice, I’ll pretty much eat anything. I’ve tried frog legs and snails and snake and even kangaroo. And yet, nothing I’ve had is as utterly inedible and unappetizing to me as sushi.

Sushi seems to be the go-to meal for first dates. Men always throw it out there like it’s the most unique and panty-dropping jaw-dropping dinner idea in the freakin’ history of the universe – like they’re sooooo classy and cool for proposing such an “adventurous” meal.

A guy will text a couple hours before you’re supposed to meet and be like “Hey, I’m looking forward to tonight. There’s a good sushi place by my apartment. Meet around 7?

And you can’t say SUSHI SOUNDS HORRIBLE I’D RATHER EAT GRAVEL so you’re stuck giving some unenthusiastic reply like “ohhhh, sure 7 works.

And this is why I hate dating.

I can’t stand up for myself. I can’t demand we go elsewhere even if it’s what I want so so so bad. I don’t want to offend the guy before we’ve even had a conversation so I just stay quiet and hope there’s teriyaki chicken on the menu. Or fried rice. Or literally any type of food that actually fits in my mouth, that I can eat with a fork, and that is served hot.

Maybe I hate sushi because it’s become a symbol of my inability to be my own person and voice my opinions.

Ugh. Sushi.

4 thoughts on “A Rant About Sushi

  1. Great piece of writing. I love how you linked sushi with your deep thoughts. Personally, I love sushi(don’t hate me). But when it comes to a date, the girl will always get to decide where to eat. I am not going to force her to eat raw fish if it will make her throw up. Keep up the awesome work 🙂

  2. I don’t really mean to bring your month and a half old post back from the dead, but when I find a convenient soapbox sometimes I just need to yell at the top of my lungs. And I’d like you to know that the sushi-first-date thing is not a problem exclusive to men. It’s like, holy FUCK. I’m sorry, I tried it, it’s got an awful texture and a weird untrustworthy flavor, and oh-by-the-way-it’s-the-anti-pizza (you sure as fuck don’t want it if it’s not high quality). And I have actually been told by at least a couple of potential dates that my distaste for sushi was a dealbreaker. A DEALBREAKER. Nevermind that my sushi-loving friends (who are more than welcome to like what they like, even if I think they’re a little out of their minds) insist that there isn’t even any goddamn good sushi in DC,, so not only are you insisting that I eat strange, rubbery little rolls of cold death, they’re MEDIOCRE rubbery little rolls of cold death, and I could just stab someone. I mean, seriously. When did sushi become a goddamn food group? Sandwiches are a food group. Tacos are a food group. Various meats are a food group, salads may even be a food group, raw fish-product wrapped in rice and something green that tastes like paper and lives in the fridge at a 7-goddamn-Eleven is not a food group.

    Speaking of first dates, you know what’s almost the worst thing on a first date? Feeling self conscious for no good reason because you’ve decided you simply MUST eat the most magnificently pretentious thing you can think of! Fortunately, there almost always teriyaki chicken, and that shit is tasty, but so help me god if you even give it a LOOK that says whyareyounoteatingmyweirdofishproduct this date is not getting a repeat.

    Ugh. Dinner dates make shitty first dates anyhow. Even if the food is good, you’re trapped! Always drinks. Ideally somewhere with decent cocktails, because they’ll have at least a few good beers if that’s your flavor, and well, wine never felt like first date fare to me. So, while I’m on this train of thought, how do you feel about Proof? And how are, say, your Thursday evenings?

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