how-to-meet-men

I may not be single anymore, but I’ve cracked the code. I finally know where to find all the great men: Craigslist.

Okay, okay. I know that sounds uber creepy, but I’m not referring to the missed connections section or the personals or whatever. I’m talking about good old-fashioned “buy my couch for thirty dollars please” Craigslist.

Here’s what I’ve found.

In major cities like DC, NY, and LA, people are moving all. the. time. That means everyone and their mother is constantly on the lookout for decent furniture. Young people, no matter what their economic background, can’t stomach West Elm prices on a desk they’ll have for, max, 18 months. So what do they do? They look for deals online.

When a gentleman expresses an interest in whatever item you’ve posted on Craigslist, you might first engage in some witty banter via email. You discuss a time of day when you’re both free. After work? Great – he’s employed! You settle on a price and appreciate his negotiation tactics. Assertive but not pushy. Also, bonus points for the guys who can string together sentences with proper grammatical structure. If you’re lucky, you’ll message with someone who includes an email signature sign-off revealing where they went to college or even what year they graduated. An Ivy? Graduated two years ahead of you? It’s like Christmas morning!

Eventually, you exchange phone numbers to make for a seamless furniture exchange, and when your paths cross, bam. You’re face to face with a real person of the opposite sex who has $30 to spare on a piece of household decor. Score!

Now of course, you don’t know whether or not they’re single, but who cares? You don’t know if someone’s single when you go up to them in a bar either. This method is better than online dating because you can see firsthand if there’s an attraction in person. And the kicker? No one’s trying. There’s no awkward pressure to be adorable or funny or interesting. You can just make small talk over the dent in your bookshelf, exchange bills, and part ways. Then, if you’re interested, you’ve got their digits for follow up.

So obviously this isn’t a tactic I’ll be employing anytime soon, BUT it’s good to know that if shit hits the fan and what I’m dubbing “cohabitation the sequel” goes south, there truly are other fish in the sea. And they’re all apparently browsing Craigslist for 3-year-old Ikea furniture.

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5 thoughts on “How to Meet Guys in 2015

  1. So here’s how it went:

    Meant to buy a table from this woman. Had to cancel on her. Rescheduled for Friday. Had to cancel on her. My friend who was to be driving had a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and he relapsed or something, so my friend had to go deal with that. The lady took it well. Eventually just told this lady sorry for being difficult and that it was fine if she sold it to someone else. Turns out she was married anyway.

    Today I arranged to buy a table from a different woman. I gave her my number in the email and she texted me the dimensions of the table, a few little grammar issues in the texts but no big deal. She was easy to deal with. Drove out to the Palisades and met her – she was kind of cute. We laughed a little bit about some stuff and then my friend and I took the table out, I messed up and should have paid her before we did that so she followed us out to the car. She advertised $50 for the table and I only had twenties so she seemed really surprised when I told her I would just give her $60. Overall, I wasn’t that attracted to her.

    I learned that this is kind of an expensive way to meet girls, because every time I would do it, I would have to spend money on something. Or if I decided not to buy whatever it was for whatever reason, then the person probably would not want to deal with me again.

    Peace

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