I’m feeling very restless.
Stability is great. I normally love stability, but right now I’m twitchy, I’m anxious, I’m jonesing for a trip, a journey, a way out. I know I want a traditional picket-fence life eventually, but not now. Not yet. I want to throw all my stuff in storage and hit the road. I’m not much of a car person but a bike would do nicely.
I want to see Amurrica. Really see it. I want to know more than my bubble. I want to see factories and ghettos and farmland. I want to see landmarks and rivers and woods. I want to see endless stormy skies and braided cornfields and untouched trails and I want to hike them and touch trees and explore towns and not sit at my desk like a girl in decay.
But I can’t do this alone. I don’t want to get raped or stabbed or killed or lost. I don’t need to risk my life to appreciate it. I already do. I mean, odds are, the worst won’t happen but ya never know… So then that brings me back to why I want to run in the first place. Am I trying to escape being alone or am I looking to justify my alone-ness. If you’re on your own on purpose then at least you’re not lonely. Accidental solitude is the worst.