sonogramWe’ve all done it. I know you have.

The un-baby scare.

When you feel like you need just a little extra attention, maybe a little bit more love.

When you want to subtly remind your boyfriend just how goddamn lucky he is to be having unprotected sex with you.

When things feel monotonous and you want to test the absolute limits of his patience – see what kind of drama you can stir up on a rainy afternoon.

You know it gives you a sadistic little shiver of pleasure to deliberately freak him out and force him into picturing you as the mother of his child. You let him stew in his thoughts. Ruminate on the possibility of fatherhood. You draw it out and act tense and nervous for his benefit, all the while knowing you’re fine.

Probably. After all, you COULD be knocked up. You are a lady after all. You’ve got the parts.

Then you start to believe it. You’re caught up in your own ridiculous lie. It suddenly means everything that you’re menses-free four hours later than usual. You make him buy the $30 test and keep the door open while you sloppily pee on the stick. Make him suffer. Make him fret. He did this to you after all.

When the little pink line appears, you’re relieved. He’s relieved. You’re officially off the hook. No major decisions need to be made at this point in your ridiculously fortunate lives.

But was this the bonding experience you’d planned? Did this bring you closer together? Make you see each other differently?

It’s a risky little game, and it gets old fast.

3 thoughts on “The Un-baby Scare

  1. i have never done anything like this. this is not normal behavior. you are a sociopath.

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