Transition periods are scary.
Four years ago, the thought of leaving DC and moving to the Midwest for college seemed like the stupidest idea ever. Why would I want to leave the East Coast, I questioned myself over and over? What was I thinking? But, once I was all settled in (it took a few months to really feel at ease) I started to realize that as long as you have good friends, you will always feel like you’re home.
Now, I’m in a similar transition period and it feels as unsettling as that first “Big Move” out West. Whenever I don’t know what to expect, I feel out of control and helpless, and as a neat freak bordering on obsessive-compulsive, I hate feeling so vulnerable. Then, a few days ago, I realized: I’m being totally self-absorbed. EVERYBODY feels this way right now. I asked C if she was nervous before her first day of Goldman training and she shuddered.
“Of course,” She replied. “And I have an advantage over others because I interned last summer. I at least have a sense of what’s going to happen.”
Even when we have an inkling of what to expect, the unexpected can still occur and until we’ve all developed regular routines and become accustomed to new daily patterns, life will seem a bit muddled.
Once, four years ago, Chicago was the spot of the Big Bad Transition. Now, the situation has reversed and I blame DC for my uncertainty. For now, I’d like to stop seeing things purely in black and white. Chicago is great but DC will be great too. Life during a transitional phase, it seems, is a crazy beautiful shade of gray.