I wish I could quit Facebook. I really do.

quityou

I don’t think I’m “addicted” the way some people are. I try to control myself when it comes to uploading photos and only “like” a status if a close friend posts something remarkable, but still – Facebook is a habit.

First thing in the morning, moments after my alarm goes off, I grab my phone, check to see if any texts came in between dusk and dawn, and then tap over to that friendly little blue and white icon. It’s so ingrained in my routine, it’s like brushing my teeth or making the bed. That’s exactly what Zuckerburg wants.

I scroll haphazardly through the photos, squinting through my blurred morning vision, pausing at beach pictures (who’s thin, who’s fat?) recent engagements (that diamond is literally the size of a single grain of sand) and an unbroken stream of baby photos (I’m pretty sure that kid is cross eyed…)

See, Facebook makes me bitchy. It makes me mean and spiteful and judge-y.

I feel bitter. I can taste the insults on the tip of my tongue. It’s worse than yogurt breath. Yechh.

No matter how great my life is, how wonderful my vacations are, or how stable my relationship feels, I still feel like everyone else has something more.

I wonder, will my spur-of-the-moment proposal picture be snapped on a beach in Charleston? In front of the cherry blossoms at sunrise? Sailing in the Bahamas? What if he just gets down on one knee in the kitchen? Will that not be enough somehow because the endless barrage of engagement photos on social media has jaded me?

I’d stop looking if I could. I’d kill to stop checking photos and status updates and comments. I wish I could ignore what my ex-best friend from middle school is doing this summer.

But my job literally depends on it.

For now, my goal is to allocate certain chunks of the day to posting updates for work. There’s no need for me to expose myself to the unrelenting, minute-by-minute stream of Facebook updates on my timeline. It’s really just unnecessary.

Then, I’ll nest the FB app on my phone in a far-away folder so it’s less instinctual to click over to the platform first thing when I wake up. There’s no reason for me to start each day with catty comments running through my head.

And finally, I’ll try my very hardest to be mindful of my life, and my life only. I’ll rise above the triviality of social media and tune in to what elicits tangible happiness.

I know for a fact that it doesn’t come from checking Facebook.

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