So today my boss, a 51-year-old divorcee, brought her hermetically-sealed wedding dress from 1985 into the office. And what a wedding dress it was. Bedecked with crystal beads, a see-through lace bodice, and linebacker shoulder pads, the gown was like an 80’s prom dress on crack.
I guess sentimental keepsakes become a lot less sentimental after you’ve started collecting alimony checks…so my boss, JR, ripped open the careful packaging with nary a care in the world and yanked her many-thousand-dollar gown out of its womb. After laughing hysterically for a good 10 minutes, she finally worked up the courage to try on the monstrosity. (Mind you, this entire ordeal occurred at 1 pm on a Friday afternoon.)
JR headed into the conference room, stripped down, and stepped into the past. At 51, JR, a registered dietitian, has run half a dozen marathons, keeps an elliptical in her 7×10 foot office, and eats nothing but kale and rainbow char. Her figure is that of a 20 year old lingerie model. So, it comes as no surprise when the dress she proudly wore 25 years ago slips easily over her hips and waist and settles nicely over her frame with only the slightest hint of tightness across her upper back. We all laughed and took pictures and then came dress-up time!
DF, one of the younger Program Managers, is about the same size as JR – 5’6, 120 lbs; slim, lean, narrow. She excuses herself to the conference room and pulls the dress on; it fits like it was made for her. She twirls around the office for a bit with a fake bouquet made from pipettes and recycled paper. After a few minutes, she tosses her faux-bouquet behind her back and EB, a co-worker engaged to be married on October 23rd, lunges for the paper flowers, catching the bouquet just before it hits the floor. She holds it up, victorious, and we all cheer and laugh.
The fun was over but my smile lasted for the rest of the day. I can’t believe I get paid to do this. I must have the best job in the world.