First, let me be frank here and say that there are obviously way more than three foods you should steer clear of after a night of heavy drinking*. But, for the sake of time, and to avoid worsening my raging hangover, I’m going to just stick with these for now.

Jumbo Slice 
Unless you want to spend the next morning literally watching zits develop around your mouth and chin, you should avoid the greasy treasure trove that is jumbo slice. I’m not saying it’s not delicious. The salty, chewy, virtually sauce-less blanket of cheese-laden dough seems like the most genius of ideas at 3 am. But it’s not. Your drug-addled brain should not be making dietary decisions that will affect you for the coming weeks. You should particularly avoid this late-night mistake if you have any events coming up, as you can pretty much guarantee your skin will be wrecked, your stomach will be in turmoil, and your muffin top will be muffin-ier for a full seven days post-jumbo slice binge.

Black and Orange Burger
The thing about Black and Orange burger that makes it so hard to avoid, is their business model is set up to encourage late night drunken visits. Their hours are unique in the DC burger business, meaning they’re open until 3 am when the bars close. Brilliance. However, unless you want to spend the morning after boozing cemented to your toilet, it’s probably best to avoid this popular jaunt. Though there’s something magical about those grilled onions…

Amsterdam Falafel 
Nutritionists might actually encourage the drunken fools of Adams Morgan to hit up Amsterdam Falafel because these Mediterranean chickpea treats are likely the healthiest fast food one can find in DC after midnight. However, the pita pockets can be crammed with whatever toppings you find appetizing – and after a long night out, that might be every topping. So now you are essentially using a small piece of pita as the boat to transport tzatziki, hummus, babaganoush, mayo, ketchup, and vinegar-y onions into your mouth. This ungodly combination of sauces will almost certainly make you upchuck falafel into the already puke-strewn streets of Admo. Of course, if you’re fortunate enough to keep your food down, your garlicky, oniony, ketchup burps will likely trigger the gag reflexes of the lucky few located within your immediate vicinity.

*Full Disclosure: I love all these restaurants and frequently consume Jumbo Slice, Black and Orange burgers, and Amsterdam falafel. I’m merely informing DC partiers that they will suffer the consequences if they choose to frequent these DC institutions after 3 am.

Leave a Reply