refusing to settle in a relationship


If, like me, you’re incredibly aware of the years passing, the clock ticking, and the pool of eligible life partners narrowing, it can be tempting to settle for what’s right in front of you. Some days, it might feel like the only option. But as I approach my thirties, I’ve seen this play out in my extended social circle more often than I’d like. I’ve witnessed the end-game. And, let me tell you, people, it’s not pretty. 

I’ve always been a relationshippy kind of gal. I detest the hookup scene, hate being single, and feel like serial dating requires so. much. effort. A boyfriend, though — that I can get on board with. Life is generally improved when you have a go-to buddy to share your experiences with. Plus, kissing is fun.

Now, just because I prefer having someone by my side, doesn’t mean I’ll hitch my wagon to just anybody. Being alone may not be ideal, but it’s certainly superior to coupling up with someone who is merely “meh”.

I’ve reached the point where officially more than half my friends are engaged, married, or having babies on purpose. While some might find this alarming, I’m finally feeling okay with being left in the dust. Truthfully, I’d rather be stuck back here by myself than hitting those life milestones with Mr. Wrong.

So, while forcing ‘love, marriage, and the baby carriage’ might seem potentially appealing in the short term, it will almost inevitably lead to disappointment and resentment for a couple in the long run. Whenever I hear about someone giving their boyfriend an ultimatum, I shudder. That kind of disparate desire in a relationship terrifies me. Honestly, why would you ever want to be with someone who hasn’t comfortably come to the conclusion on their own that they want to spend the rest of their life with you?

“If-you-haven’t-proposed-by-the-end-of-the-year-we’re-over,” should never be the words that kickstart anyone’s happily ever after… and yet, it doesn’t seem entirely atypical.

Maybe it’s effective for some? Or, maybe they think they’ll be happy since they’re getting what they want for the time being? All I know is, if that’s how one goes about achieving their relationship resolutions, it’s probably time to re-think those goals to begin with.

Ultimately, if you’re forcing someone’s hand in any way, or convincing yourself to fast-track the intimacy in a relationship because you’re “pretty sure it’s right”, you’re probably making a mistake. Don’t do it. Really, really don’t.

3 thoughts on “How to Get Stuck with Something You Definitely Don’t Want”

  1. Unsure what qualifies you to give this advice without at least saying you have friends who have divorced for this reason

    1. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened 🙁

      But also, I’m not qualified to give any advice ever because I have NO IDEA what I’m talking about.

      Just trying to give people something to think about/discuss.

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