One of my friends is a total slore (slut+whore for those of you unfamiliar with the term) and a touch anorexic. But I love her. Whatever.

Anyway, I was only a little surprised when she asked me over lunch the other day how many calories I thought there might be in a mouthful of semen. I was drinking a coconut water at the time (which, I’m sorry, totally tastes like jizz even if you’re not in the middle of a conversation about it) and proceeded to laugh/choke/spit a cloudy stream of it all over my sandwich.

Soggy bread in hand, I mulled over the possible nutritional benefits of man milk. It’s just protein, right? But, like – how much protein? Like an egg? Or a small piece of chicken?

If a vegetarian is nutrient-deficient from inadequate meat consumption, can she increase her protein intake by giving a guy head? Just how many blow jobs would it take to replenish a protein-depleted individual? Suddenly math gets interesting…

And ok. What about vegans? They shun animal products in favor of a strict plant-based diet. But …we’re animals. Should a vegan avoid performing fellatio to prevent errant spermies from slipping down her throat?

Next time you hear some activist-hippie-plant-lover yammering on about their wholesome, life-affirming diet, ask them about their sex life. If nothing else, you might get them to shut the hell up.

Oh – and in the end, I googled it. 15 calories and 150 mg of protein per mouthful. Approximately.

2 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About BJ’s”

  1. HAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHH. btw, each of your photos/illustrations for every blog post are brilliant. Just thought it needed to be said.

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