Dating apps are… weird. Frankly, that’s the best adjective I can come up with right now.
As someone who’s been coupled up for most of adulthood, single life has changed pretty dramatically from my angsty high school days. It just feels like there’s so much technology involved now. Everyone’s on those gosh darn apps!
So I did what any gal with a dating blog does and asked my guy friends for strict instructions on what not to do.
Here’s a list of the top 7 things EVERY woman should avoid doing on dating apps.
1. Making your first photo a group picture.
The guys I spoke with unanimously agreed that this was the absolute worst.
The point of an app, they said, was to literally make snap judgements about a future partner. It’s simply: “Is this someone I could be attracted to? Yay or nay.” If you have to go weeding through photos to figure out who’s even up for discussion, it’s not worth it. Not when the next girl in line is posing pretty all by herself making it easy for them to decide in an instant.
2. Gushing about how you “love to travel”.
Who the fuck doesn’t love traveling? A general love of seeing new things, exploring new places, and generally caring about other cultures should be the bare minimum for every decent human being. From here on out, how about we all just assume that the default condition is a love of travel and if for some reason you’re dead inside and don’t like leaving the safety of your hometown, then you can mention that on date one. Just be prepared to never see him again.
3. Being a white savior girl.
Don’t post a bunch of photos of yourself on your dating profile in some dusty, exotic locale surrounded by ethnic children. Sure you’re probably helping build a school or something, but your flight there cost what, two grand? And as soon as the three week charity trip is over, you hop right back on a plane to your air-conditioned condo in the 4th most expensive city in the US.
If you’re one of the rare folks out there who is actually doing some good in the world, you can casually mention it early on in the relationship. But don’t use your alleged empathy for impoverished peoples to score a date in DC.
4. Including multiple references to “spontaneous adventures”.
Guys shy away from women who use this phrase because they feel like either we want them to believe our whole life is just jet setting around the globe randomly, or we expect the man to somehow make that dream lifestyle happen. And realistically, a first date will probably consist of, what? Coffee? A glass of California pinot? Not impromptu international travel on a Learjet.
5. Saying you’re looking for a dance partner.
“Go dance with your gay male friends, that’s what they’re there for.”
The guys agree. As straight men, it’s not their job to be your de facto dance partner. In fact, once date number one is out of the way, there’s no need to dance with you ever, really. They’ve already won. There’s no need to woo you with sexually suggestive moves. The dance period has ended.
6. Pretending that you’re both effortless and effort-full.
Apparently, guys do not enjoy when women boldly describe themselves as: “Just as comfortable in a sparkly dress and heels out on the town” as they are “curled up on the couch drinking wine and watching Netflix.”
NO SHIT. YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLE. WHAT AN EXQUISITELY BALANCED CHARACTER UNLIKE ANY I’VE ENCOUNTERED BEFORE. << FYI, I stole that verbatim from one male friend’s response. He got super worked up about this.
7. Looking slutty.
Sure, plenty of guys are on dating apps to hook up. Plenty of women are too, for that matter. But the fact is, most daters are looking for a relationship. If the first photo in your profile shows more cleavage than clothing or provides undeniable evidence of a recent bikini wax, that’s sending a very specific message to your audience. Most guys say they’re looking for a pretty smile, kind eyes, or just, general attractiveness mixed with some wit. It’s not that hard to get a right swipe as long as you seem normal and well-groomed.
Alright, I’m sure I’ll get flak for lots of these blanket statements, but don’t blame me, blame my pool of men!
If you’ve got other dating app pet peeves or HATE when women do “x” in their profile, let me know in the comments below…