I have some oddly specific preferences when it comes to what I’m attracted to in a guy.

They’re not “must-haves” for a relationship, but they’re certainly “nice-to-haves”. And while I know I can’t expect all of these physical characteristics to exist in a single person — and then also have that person be a non-crazy, kind, caring individual — it sure doesn’t stop me from looking.

My friends think I’m being too picky.

They tell me I can have one, but I just can’t have them all.

I refuse to accept this.

Here’s what I want.

  • Blue or green eyes
  • Left handedness
  • Taller than 5’10 (and if we’re being honest, the closer to 6’ the better!)

I also weirdly love when people have rosacea (ya know, the super pink cheeks where it looks like they’re permanently blushing? And facial hair / scruff is also a huge turn-on for me. But I digress).

Over the years, I’ve dated wayyy outside these parameters.

I’m totally open to people who don’t have a single one of these qualities, but I always find myself completely smitten when I’m face to face with it.

Light eyes ALWAYS draw me in. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with a brown eyed guy, it’s just that he has to be insanely perfect in every other way for me to not feel disappointed every time I look at him.

Left-handedness is literally, what, 10% of the total population? And yet, I find guys who write with their left hand utterly irresistible. Every damn time. It doesn’t matter where I am. Work, coffee shop, the bank — if I notice someone is signing a receipt lefty, I swoon.

So let’s say I actually set out looking for this unicorn — this guy who has it all. How many people are there on earth who fit this description.

Well, let’s do some math.

(Warning: You’re about to witness some seriously shoddy math because I’ve never been a numbers person, so just bear with me).

There are 7.6 billion humans on earth. Lets narrow down the search to Americans (sorry all you hot foreigners. I just don’t want to deal with visas and whatnot for a lifetime…)

The US is just about 50/50 male female. I want the dudes. Approximately 10% of the population is left handed and 30% have blue-ish eyes. And… about half of all men are above 5’10? Sure.

So that looks something like:

Total population x % male x % left handed x % blue eyes x % above 5’10

326,000,000 x .5 x .1 x .3 x .5

So, that leaves me with about 2,445,000 dudes.

Which actually doesn’t sound too terrible.

The math gets complicated, but ya know what? I apparently have a .075% chance of bumping into someone who fulfills my weirdly specific set of attraction factors, so I’ll look on the bright side.

There are literally millions of men out there who fit the bill.

This is excellent news.

Except just when I start breathing a sigh of relief, I have to remind myself how few fall into an appropriate age range (ie over the age of 20 and younger than 50) and from there how many of those guys are single, unmarried dudes. The numbers start dwindling.

600K… 250K… and down and down and down we go.

So I think I’m back to square one.

My perfect man might be out there in the universe, but for practicality’s sake I may have to abandon my dreams and go procreate with a short-statured, brown-eyed righty. Ugh.


Want more stories like this? Buy the book!

Unemployed Kat: Adulting is Hard is now available for purchase on Amazon. Click for details.

buy unemployed kat

Leave a Reply