She’s seen more bare male butts than your average love seat – quite a few sweaty lady parts too.
She’s helped college athletes, out-of-towners, and young professionals do the dirty from entirely new angles. You might say, she encourages innovation in lovemaking.
Her arms are strong and amenable to drunken, frantic, sloppy foreplay. Her cushions are soft, welcoming, and inviting of more deliberate ardent encounters.
She has been the most loyal of roommates, always offering herself up to please the weary and the horny.
Thankfully, her off-white upholstery and brownish stripes conceal the most suspicious of stains.
Though pennies and goldfish crackers are forever nestled in her crevices, she merely smells of perfume and lingering notes of pot.
Over the years, so many visitors have tumbled about and achieved unbridled satisfaction on her fabric-y flesh. She never minds. In fact, she probably enjoys being in on the action.
My couch has a lengthy history of hot hook-ups and lustful one-night stands. She’s a slut, to be sure, but she’s nowhere near as bad as most futons.