Unemployed Kat

A few weeks ago, I cracked my favorite pair of sunglasses by throwing them in my purse without a case and tossing my laptop on top of them. Crunch. I’d had these glasses for years and got more compliments on them than I’ve ever received on a fashion accessory before. Needless to say, I was crushed.

So now I’m on the hunt for a new pair.

And here’s the thing — I’m utterly conflicted about what I’m looking for in my next set of sunnies.

Do I want to drop a load of cash on a trendy top-of-the-line designer pair that I’m inevitably going to lose or break? Or, should I just grab some cheapy drug store brand to hold me over until summertime when there are more options? Am I ready to commit to and care for a classic pair for the next decade? Or should I find something that’s stylish now that I can chuck next season?

This struggle got me thinking…

Ummmm. Pretty sure it is. Here’s my analysis.

These glasses are your quick and dirty Tinder hookup. They satisfy an urge, they get the job done. Maybe you buy a couple pairs and you stash one in your car, in your purse, in your suitcase… These glasses are always available when you need them, but you never really want them, ya know? They sit weirdly on the bridge of your nose and the lenses are always a little too greasy.

These glasses are the cool guy you want to have a beer with. He’s your first decent Hinge date in months. Attractive, can carry on a conversation, and has some staying power. Ultimately though, you just don’t mesh. He’s a little too sporty or a little too out-there. He’s a little too something and at that price point, you need to ditch ‘em for a slightly more classic pair.

Ahhh those sexy, sexy aviators. These are a classic. THESE you bring home to mom and dad. Ray Bans are pricey but not too pricey. They last forever and they’re super flattering on all faces. In fact, Ray Bans are pretty close to perfect except for the fact that when you push them up onto the top of your head they consistently get stuck in your hair and ruin your look. It’s mildly irritating at first but after a few months you’re just non-stop annoyed and you stick them in a drawer and forget about them. Your parents keep asking about them but you’re totally over it.

These are the overpriced pair that you drool over and fantasize about. You see your friend with a pair of Fendi glasses from a New York Fashion Week swag bag and you’re instantly envious. These are the hot guy you wish you could get, but who regularly looks just past you in the bar to the leggy blonde in the mini dress. Not that you care. But, like, okay, maybe you care.

In my world, Warby Parker sunglasses are The One. They’re nice but not too nice. Affordable, but expensive enough that you’re compelled to be careful with them. Mom and dad LOVE Warbys —  as do your friends. You guys look great together and they’re just genuinely a net positive in your life. Warby Parker sunglasses are like the Jake Gyllenhaal of the glasses world. Hot, loyal, normal — a fucking classic. These aren’t just a boyfriend, these are husband material.

While the Cheap CVS glasses and Ray Bands have been fun over the years, I’m 29, and frankly, I’m tired of them. It’s probably time for me to spend an afternoon trying on a million pairs in a Warby store soon. I’m more than ready for the real deal.