My grandma has an iPhone and my grandpa likes to talk about which female celebrities have the best boobs. They both dress well and eat well and look well. In fact, everywhere we go, people assume they are my parents and it’s all swell and terribly funny and my grandmother blushes and my grandfather chortles and says “oh ho no!” and they’re both very merry and flattered.
I don’t see them often but when they’re in DC, I always make a point to let them buy me dinner. I always order steak.
The first thing my grandmother said when she saw me this past weekend was “Oh honey! Are you getting your hair cut soon?” After more than a year of not seeing me, she seemed overly alarmed by the fact that my shoulder length brown hair had grown past its designated spot at my shoulders. SOR-RY.
But, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, this was the grandma who, when introducing me and my sister to a friend a few years ago, referred to my sibling as “her thin granddaughter” then turned to me and said, “and this is Kat.” Ouch.
But, no matter how comically clueless my grandmother is, there’s nothing as befuddling and utterly hopeless as trying to explain my current job to her.
Kat: I have an incredible new position with a digital marketing company.
Meema: A WHAAAT?
Kat: Ummm… a marketing company. We do marketing. But online. Like, on the Internet.
Kat: Yeah, so I market products and promote businesses using social media – like Facebook. You’ve heard of Facebook? Right?
Meema: Well, well yes. I know someone invented it at Harvard. You should have gone to Harvard.
Kat: …maybe…but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have liked it much. Anyway! My job is so great because my coworkers and I all work from home. I don’t have to go into an office or anything. It’s so amazing! Yay.
Meema: You know, if you’d gone to Harvard, maybe you’d have a real job with a real company. A company with a real office.
Nothing like an 80-year-old relative to remind you that your hair sucks, you’re fatter than your sister, and you didn’t go to Harvard. Thanks Meema.